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I went back to meditate a bit later.

“IG,” I admit I whined, “Obviously something is wrong. I feel turbulent inside, depressed and angry. I want you to choose something for me to work with. I assume it’ll be related to that, but it’s really your choice.”

The arch was interesting. Whatever it was, it was like you’d take some shape, and then divide that shape into many equal little cubes of space, and then randomly remove 90% of the cubes. So all I could see was like these small red cubes, seemingly randomly arranged in the air. I knew they were ‘part’ of the archetype and that all the other cubes were missing. “That’s novel,” I muttered.

I started working on it, and an arch-dream started. I went with it, it was really brief, but I had a bit of a hard time ‘getting back’ afterward, by which I mean that before ‘engaging’ in the dream I didn’t anchor myself well enough apparently, because when it vanished, it took me a minute, with a firm grip on my mind to keep it from wandering, to remember what I was doing and why.

They kept happening and I started getting better at that. At letting my mind “bloom out” into some other dimension of genuine mini-dream, which I was not driving at all, merely sitting in on (in some wonder sometimes), and when it was over I would find myself back at my anchor which after awhile did pretty well at instantly reminding me of what the heck I was doing so I could get back to it.

I found that I needed to kind of create a thoughtform that had a couple basics, plus add the placement-visual like of the archetype, so I would instantly get three things: the idea of meditation, the idea of an archmed in specific, and the visual of the archetype I was in the middle of working with. They’d hit me all at the same time when the arch-dream ceased to exist and I would remember. After I’d done that combo a few times, it was ok, as if I were building a thoughtform — something real — that was an anchor.

In other words not just some floating mental idea of an anchor but a physical tool (physical in THAT realm) that operated as necessary. It makes me wonder just how much we can do with our minds when it comes to building thoughtform-tools. I’ve built a few in the past that worked pretty well. My friend was just telling me about listening to Richard Bandler stuff recently who was talking about building mental tools.

I started abreacting. I would have a thought or start an arch-dream and my body would jerk violently in one place or another, mostly lower body. I could literally feel it this time, as if energy-which-is-also-information were trying to run through my nervous system, but blocks were “shunting it off” with muscle spams.

It got more severe. At one point, I found myself in this arch-dream and I went, “Hey! Hey, I remember this now! This is where I was last night! This–” and an abreaction so severe that my entire body spasmed wildly hit me. I forgot everything except that last thought. But at least it made me realize that I didn’t just pass out in the middle of a thought last night; I was doing “something”, I just don’t remember what.

I wonder if things like “memory issues” about the work are not that odd. I mean if you are working with stuff that is damn abstract to begin with, and often on things directly threatening to your belief systems to add to that, and some difficult energies to boot, and often in an altered state or right before sleep, maybe that is not so odd. I wish I knew more people who did this kind of work so we could talk about it. I do know a few people who do archmeds but they don’t do them that often. There’s always stuff that you’re likely to start running into when you do something every day, that you might not when it’s only an occasional hobby.

I started talking to the archetype, who had added a couple more cubes but was otherwise still a buncha red random blocks mostly in the air. Then I called in Nero.

Me: My body is going crazy! What is with this think-abreact sequence?

Nero: You needed more exercise yesterday.

Me: Well I got some. I admit I felt it wasn’t enough. But so what?

Nero: This is not just in your head. There is real energy that runs through your physical body and sometimes you really NEED to work that through your body. When you feel like you didn’t get enough, like you did last night, it’s because your body and etheric body can clearly feel the problems with the energy that didn’t get worked through. In the future, exercise before bed if needed.

Me: So I had all that emotion earlier, and all the abreaction now, because of all the exercise I didn’t get yesterday?

Nero: Basically.

Me: Does this relate to Taan and my reaction to him?

Nero: He deals with the energies that compose your body, so meeting him emphasized all those issues for you and brought all that energy fully into your awareness.

I thought about this for awhile. I had the half-urge to get up and go lift weights. Specifically like a rear kneeling row, that is a ton of work on my legs not just my arms. I actually had a couple random daydreams about doing so. But that would be a lot of trouble. I was comfortable. Instead I began rythmically tensing my legs really hard, almost kicking them.

Nero: So you’ll ignore that.

Me: Ignore what?

Nero: That you got the clear urge to go lift weights, to help work it out.

Me: Oh, that was just me thinking. That wasn’t ‘real’ information.

Nero: So you can see random red cubes as real, but the idea to exercise isn’t?

Me: Well I just made that idea up myself.

Nero: { . . . a pointed silence with a look that needed no words . . . }

Me: I don’t FEEL like it.

Nero: Then why ask for a solution if you won’t act on the advice?

Me: That wasn’t advice, it was just my idea. I’m moving my legs. It’s helping.

Nero: If it wasn’t advice, why would we be having this conversation?

Me: Besides, I can’t really lift weights and meditate at the same time.

He was silent. Which said plenty. I decided to ignore him.

Me: Angelics? IG, can I have them?

But they had already appeared.

Me: Will you help me? Help me dissolve these blocks?

Them: We cannot do it for you, but yes, we can help you do it for yourself.

I had the sense they were saying, we don’t work like your normal archetypes do, we cannot feed you energy (like say my Sun does), but we can help you as you work with energy. It just now occurs to me that maybe they are universal archetypes and not just my personal version of an archetype. I admit they’re… not normal. I mean there is just something about them that makes them seem not-native to my archetype and guide environ.

They are really odd. They have no real color except white, and it is a very odd effect, as if they are almost but not quite made of light and as if they don’t have enough ‘contrast’ to look quite normal. They don’t talk with any sense of their mouths, they appear like twins with the same mind or something the way they move, and they seem to think with the same mind when they respond. Not your average archetype to say the least. Anyway.

I continued allowing the arch-dreams. The funny thing was that once I started getting the hang of really giving them some energy and allowance but not getting lost in them, they started coming really fast, lots of them. I would return from one and notice that my arch had added another little cube or two, then another would begin.

Each world would fully collapse and another world would spring into being, as if each were literally a kind of physical round “bubble” in some way, but it was expanding into some other dimension that doesn’t exist in reality as I perceive it here.

The twins, the Angelics, were in most of them. Maybe all but I didn’t grok it a few times. But they were like, they were some identity in the arch-dream that fit in perfectly with its framework. I mean they just looked like persons or animals or even structures, but I recognized them, the twins, inside the arch-dream as being the Angelics back in my arch-med. That was interesting and it seemed to help keep me grounded. I think I did better with this because of their helping me, and because seeing them kept reminding me of what I was doing so I was less lost in each of the arch-dream worlds.

I felt as if I were in a constantly-changing universe, a chaotic Bangkok of the psychic realm, where my entire reality-structure radically altered within seconds, and completely unrelated worlds sprang into being, me finding myself in that world right in the middle of some kind of process or event, and then that whole world collapsed in on itself into nothingness again, like some kind of quantum physics experiment gone mad.

I don’t think I’ve ever done anything as experientially-complex as that in my life.

Eventually I fell asleep. I’m not surprised. My poor brain was probably overwhelmed.

I woke up while dreaming. It wasn’t a good dream but wasn’t bad, at first someone entrapping each of my cats in a garage, and then something about my having moved into this oddly-shaped half-round structure and when I opened the curtains I could ‘see’ my friends who lived across from me really well, which seemed like a good thing, this new place to live with that view.

I still have the ‘fidgets’ but I don’t feel anything like I did this morning. That was yucky! I feel a lot better now, in general.

On the topic of real life and reality symbols, I made a blog “to represent ME and my face to the world,” and last night my server lost a piece of it, gone forever it turns out, around the same time I meet a guide who is allegedly all about me and my relationship with the world. (I think I was introduced to him last night and have forgotten. Hey, maybe I lost a piece of my world the way I lost a piece of my world with HIM.) It almost feels like ‘a glitch in the matrix’, like most of me is saying, “That’s coincidence and doesn’t mean anything,” but another part of me feels it’s not coincidence at all.

Well anyway. I guess I will start trying to make a point of briefly holding hands and sharing energy with Bolehren and Taan and Nero each time before I meditate so that eventually I can perceive them more clearly and vividly.

Although if you ask me, Nero is far too clear already, HA HA HA.

Just kidding.

Sort of.