25 May 2016
It was late evening, and I was unusually comfortable (no pain, no sleepiness). I was sitting on my bed and imagined that I was sitting within the Four, we were the nested-spheres of energy, and we weren’t doing anything, just be-ing.
I had this sudden visual: I’m looking at the front of a house from probably 100 feet away so it just fills my vision. For an instant I just see the house, but then there is this huge shattering, breaking and a glass wall I hadn’t known was between me and the house cracks into a million pieces and goes crashing to the ground between us. I feel as if this is the collapse of some ‘dividing’ energy between me and the Four and that this is a good thing, and indicates that now we are closer.
For a while, a variety of stuff went on that I don’t recall.
My attention is eventually drawn to this idea that I had been wondering about a few times over the previous week:
If “anger is a wound” as I was once told; then what does that mean in relation to my body pain, or my health, I wonder? Is there an energy that is a body disease or injury but also anger, for example? Something else I might not understand?
Suddenly my perspective shifts:
There is or just-was a horrible car accident. I am on a winding tiny two-lane road closed in by forest, and there was a small convertible car with a man and a woman, the man driving. They were in some accident that led to them well off the road in the trees. The car is trashed, the man is dead. The woman is terribly injured and bleeding.
Wondering what this means, I said to the environment at large, “Show me the energy.”
A big dark-black blob of sorts appeared. “There’s a hole in it,” I heard someone say. I recalled that just earlier, in the time I was sitting with the Four but don’t really remember what all we did, someone said something like that also.
I focused. Yes, a horrible hole and horrible-ness around it. Something seemed eaten away, dead flesh around, rotting around that basically. That’s gotta be biology I know, so I spent awhile with Tek working on fixing that. Finally got it taken care of.
I asked solar body for blessing. Looked up: he kissed my forehead and I felt loved. Haven’t felt him in awhile.
As we were working on cleaning out and reweaving what was needed, gradually, the “probabilities shifted” for that event. It was like if I were working on/in the road, and the car was off to my right and a little bit forward. I would see this shift, like a kaleidoscope turn of the tube where somehow all the same things slightly scramble then fall back into a pattern but it’s different.
At first, the woman was less injured. Less and less, in these gradients, probably a dozen. Eventually the man wasn’t quite killed (nearly), and then was less injured, another dozen gradient probabilities. We wove together this section here for example, and then the accident was less bad, and less bad, many variants reducing it until it was just off the road, then just nearly, then just swerving, and it kept backing off in probability until eventually the event never happened at all.
I think there was a lot more after but like the earlier period, I know I was with the Four but I don’t remember.
The next day I had to wonder how I should translate that. Car: vehicle, body?
So… the car accident was an event, but also we’re talking serious ‘accidental’ body wounds. The ‘hole’ energy — it seemed clear to me during the event this was something small but cancerous — seemed as if it were “another version of” the event/injuries. As we healed/fixed the hole and its immediate surroundings, the event and related injuries changed with it.
So is the lesson… that disease, accident, event — and emotion, stemming from the original question — are all the same energy? That a tiny cancerous hole somewhere is the energy of both a dead body and a grievously still-struggling between life and death body? That the “infinite parallel worlds” that I seem to gradually be believing more in due to experience over the years, find a little spectrum collection where that particular energy is that particular event?
Once upon a time I found that the dehydration and atrophy of cells in a certain area of my inner right torso, was the drought-stricken death of a land in another world, in Captain of the Guard. That was over 20 years ago.
So… a tiny cancerous spot might have been a horrible car accident? The healing of the spot via archmed fluttered through the event probabilities until the accident never happened.
Is this evolution? Heal relationship with a given energy and its presence in ALL worlds is improved?
I wonder if I have pulled my issues to my health, as life-threatening or massively-life-impacting at least, simply so that I could not get away from them, could not turn away and lose the opportunity to resolve that within this focus-life?
When I woke up the next morning, I had been dreaming. I met a woman at the counter of a small convenience store. We were fabulous instant friends. She came to see me where I lived.
She went to the big pool in the backyard, but I found myself in a room. And there was this big window and I wanted to just go out it and be with her in that pool, but the window kept getting farther from my reach, higher and smaller. Eventually I couldn’t even reach it with a ladder and it was tiny… so I couldn’t join her.
I think there was more but I don’t recall. Apparently the pool symbolism is still in play!
I felt inwardly pressed to write all this down — like previously I would always have done. I managed to get it into text but kept avoiding it, didn’t blog it. This morning is Saturday and I’m off work and I was thinking about what I could do today when I was reminded from inside that this needed doing — I needed to validate my experience.
Finally bothering to do so, now I see part of the point is that more info and learning comes during the process. I should know that, many of my best Aeon conversation came during blogging.
A day or so ago I realized these weird pains I’ve had as the diuretic takes all this edema down slowly, are probably the same thing as that experience recently where I felt and saw something finally “bust through to the skin” from inside. As it turns out, I have felt and saw that again and even more boldly.
Now I’m thinking, maybe that is because as the pressure releases some (fluid goes down), and so the big liquid mess of fibrous tissue and adipose cells and inflammation and lymph and blood and skin and so on kind of loosens a little, whatever part of the body that does this — tries to push outward with incredible sudden force to get ‘through’ all the tissue and to the skin so it can vent something — is finally able to do so.
When it’s large or deep, it feels like someone suddenly jabbed a needle deeply into the tissue. Sometimes the needle size seems to vary. It’s obviously a nerve thing or close enough, given the degree of brief but intense agony. I got one of those, which overlapped with the ‘feel’ I’d been having sometimes of the “pressing to get out” inner-awareness.
I yelped and before it was even over (the pain experience) my hands dived for a place on my outer left thigh where this hurt (it’s a pin-spot tiny point) to, you know, put pressure on it or whatever, and right then I saw it happen before my eyes, before my fingers touched it — a tiny shift in the skin on the surface and suddenly the skin stuck out there, like a blister or edema-bubble or whatever the hell they are was just born abruptly.
This has actually made me feel a lot better about the regular pains of this nature. I feel like I kind of understand them now, and I want body to succeed in whatever it’s trying to do to help itself. For some reason being confused and feeling attacked by those pains was a lot worse.
It occurs to me that health issues, no different than issues one might have with work or creativity or social politics, are part of the same energy we’re working through. Like the hole in the road that was a hole in the body that was the car accident/injury, this is just another “version” of the energy.
Maybe I could be experiencing this in some completely different way, the same energy. Like some really troublesome person in my life for example, constantly jabbing-hurting me like someone who can say something to upset you. For whatever reason, I have chosen to experience this energy via my body as the focus.
I had this reminder-memory (the Aeons sometimes use memories to communicate like Transformers use the radio!) of a trivial thing at work years ago where I messed up one thing but in fixing it realized another thing that would have embarrassed me later if I hadn’t caught it. I heard myself mutter out loud, “Thank you for screwing that up, so I was able to see this and fix it.”
Maybe that is what any given issue with one’s health is saying. “Here’s your issue.” Like if you wanted spiritual evolution, individuation, whatever people call it now, the hard part is the black-box nature of it. But our reality (to include our bodies) are outer reflections of the inner.
So whatever the unresolved relationship, energy, issue, may be that is between us and that alleged enlightenment, it’s manifesting right in front of us, probably egregiously in our face or life in fact. I think gee it’d be easier to work on spiritual development if not interfered with by (work, health, etc.) but in fact working through those ‘issues’ would BE the steps to SD.
So I’m looking at this painful area on my leg and I’m thinking: the combined energy of this; is it an emotion? An event? An object, somewhere, somewhen else?
So that’s just echoing the whole concept of archmeds right, that I ask for an archetype representing that energy and I get — whatever, anything, environments or structures or creatures or situations — and I interact with it, which is working through that energy — and because there is only ONE energy, I have made changes in my body — except apparently it takes time to show up in the body and I have to ‘hold the line’ of allowing/believing that energy so it stays present and the body can follow it to the same solution.
And I should consider this a good thing, as I’ve been previously shown, because if the body responded too rapidly to our thoughts, our negative stuff would kill us off before we ever had a chance to learn much in this focus.
I think I should do a med on the dream of the window, and more on my body.