It’s been a rather long time since I did a complete and serious Aeon round, going through all 12 and really focusing with them, really letting myself emotionally feel how much I want to know them within me, really making an effort to merge and better-integrate.
Today was my mother’s birthday. She died when she was 37, when I was 9, and most years I try to do something specific on this day. If nothing else, just spend a decent chunk of time thinking about my life. About who I want to be. About what she might have wanted for me. About the advice that she might give me, from wherever she is.
Sometimes I try to do something courageous on September 1st. I feel like she would want me to be courageous. I don’t remember a great deal of her, but I do remember that she was often telling me to ask for what I wanted in life. “The worst they can do is say no,” she used to say. I have always had a difficult time asking for anything, or accepting anything. I have gotten better at the latter, I think.
My birthday is Sep 14 and to some degree, the ‘space between’ her birthday and mine is often a thoughtful period.
I can hardly believe I’ll be 45 in two weeks. Somehow my brain stopped grokking the advance of my age somewhere around 26, 28 or so. My body moves on, but my mind doesn’t. Ever since my 40th birthday, which was possibly one of the worst days of my life but for a few, I haven’t really been upset about my age. Just a little bewildered by it.
Shouldn’t I be smarter now? Or something.
So this morning I went around the Aeons and really felt I was touching base with them. I reached Marcan and was thinking about the black-eyed man I had met him in the dream with initially, and it suddenly occurred to me: why can’t I just do a meditation on that energy? Right this moment? Deal with it! If it was that powerful in my dream it nearly kept me from one of my own Aeons, an integral part of me, then this is not a good thing. I asked IG, Nero and Sun and worked on it.
It was just a really nasty black insectlike tentacled critter as an archetype. I did a heck of a lot of cleansing and energy stuff on it before it seemed mostly ok. It still seemed to have some issues, but the Senior’s energy must have been with me — at least I blame it on him when I get in these modes — as I decided that anything of me I control, and that energy is technically of me, so I simply absorbed that archetype — like, without asking, and in command mode — and then simply made the remainder of the energy pattern what I required it.
I ended up merging with Marcan and then with each Aeon after that, and then went back over the first few and added them. This has the funny effect of making me feel “thick and stiff inside,” like wearing too many winter clothes, but on the inside instead.
I can’t remember which it was, but on the first one where I thought and felt, conceptually and physically, like I really wanted to FEEL the GEOMETRY inside me, like I wanted to feel their ‘angles and spaces and lines’, I got a lot better merge at that point. I don’t know why but I really just seemed attuned to the whole geometry bit.
Today I had an idea and with each Aeon I would say to me/us, “show me any energy blocks to ____” (the Aeon) and I would perceive these various shapes in various places in my body, and then I would work on ‘letting go’ of them, and sometimes I’d have to stop and proactively do healing-style work on them (Tek helped).
Once I felt like there were big cone-shaped ‘rubber plugs’ — non-conductives — right in my chakras. One there was a really major block in the pelvic region a little to the left which I ‘felt’ was ‘damping down’ kundalini energy.
One of the humorous things was that the ‘shape’ of the ‘blocks’ for each Aeon was different. Not only that but some of them seemed to make a sound when leaving me, and some seemed to make a sound as if they fell out of me and hit the ground. One had thin, semi-glass, round disks. One had perfectly spherical balls that made a funny plop sound, like when people pull their thumb in their jaw, a sort of wet pop sound. One had a flat short rectangle topped by a 3 sided triangle on one flat side. Every block felt different in size, shape, composite, sound of leaving me or falling to ‘ground’ outside of me. That had not occurred to me consciously so it seemed… creative. “Anything novel is good” in my book.
Sometimes I would have the sense of a really big, substantial block that was almost shocking. I think it was for Nedlund, where the block was the shape and size of a big watermelon and it was essentially lodged in the back butt/thighs (where I carry most of my weight). There is some humor there, obviously, but it was hard not to think of the concept of fat as ‘body armor’ and wonder if maybe a lot of ‘energy blocks’ might be in fat.
Maybe there’s something to that. Scientists now say it’s a ‘distributed organ’ like skin, it’s a key part of the immune system, and adipose tissue ‘increases’ (rather the way an organ enlarges) under health threat. When its ability to increase ceases (such as genetic limits) disease then kicks in as it’s not protective anymore. And once it reaches a certain quantity it begins protecting itself, it appears to create or release hormones, all kinds of stuff nobody realized until recently (it was ‘inert luggage’ until then). So if this tissue is used to store toxins and so forth, walling them off from everything, proactively protecting the body from its contents (in part by refusing to give up those contents), then it almost seems like a big part of its nature IS “non-conductive” when you think about it.
Anyway, after I had all the Aeons, I decided that was a fabulous moment for some quality time, with a focus during of releasing blockages (including that they have with each other), increasing integration. Brief but nice! I felt like it did help with them. Then I focused on the Four a little.
Then I felt much better about everything. I took a shower and lit some incense and felt like All Was Right With the World. 😉 It’s raining! It’s supposed to storm a little. That seems perfect for some reason.
I believe that it was working with the Aeons that caused me to release that horrible lifelong overdone ‘artificial guilt complex’ and so, to me that indicates that better integration with them can have fairly profound effects. I need to have them more strongly in my life. I’ve also lately had much more of the urge to ’embody them around me’ in some way, as if it will bring their energy more fully into my reality.
My next med is 8 of Disks, ‘Prudence’. That’s something I need more of. When I get through all the disks, I would like to do a few personal meditations, a few Tek meds, a few things IG can choose, and then continue with the Tarot.
I wonder if I should schedule some time to just ‘be’ with the Four and have IG do… anything or nothing or whatever. The hard thing is, you know, that I have to keep my mind from wandering, but technically when the experience can be ‘anything’ you kind of have to go with ‘wandering’ because ‘spontaneous imagination you aren’t driving’ is how it starts. Tends to result in a lot of sleeping and not much meditating. 😉
Total trivia: the spine is so interesting. Do you know, it has 7 of one kind of vertebra (neck area), then 12 of another, and then 5 of another near the bottom, and then a major bottom-piece, and then one tiny tailbone (literally). These numbers are a big deal in some systems. When Ray and I merged today I felt as if he were part of ‘the strength of my backbone’ and I mean that in the psychology way not just the physical way.
It made me wonder if maybe some of the things in our body are mapped to, or at least affected by, major ‘aspects’ of ourselves such as Aeons. I get so much of my merge-effects in my neck, from my lower head down to the shoulders area, as if my spine is really connected to all this stuff, particularly the “C” vertebrae up top.